Attention: Important USAC seminars to attend.

Due to a long list of rider and team manager misdemeanors during the 2009 Cascade Cycling Classic, USA Cycling is providing seminars for the cycling public to attend. The monetary fines during the Cascade Classic will fund these highly anticipated seminars, which are intended to enlighten bike racers so that the same errors are not made in future races.

This is a list of the fines issued during the 2009 Cascade Cycling Classic:

Littering/illegal tossing of bottles and bidens: $520 total
Illegal drafting off of vehicles: $945 total
Forgetting to sign in before the race: $180 total
Non-regulatory supply of refreshments*: $205 total
Failure to attend podium ceremony and collect cash prize: $70 total
Other: $485

Total: $2,405

*We here at USAC are still unsure what this means, but you guys did it and we’re fining you anyways.

As you can see, a total of $2,405 was fined over the course of five days.  The last day of racing was not included for some reason.  We are not sure why.  But, this money is going straight to the USAC outreach to Becoming a Better NRC Racer and Better Human Being Seminars. All of it. Every cent. We promise. Depending on your infringement and or area of least comprehension, please choose from the following list of seminars:

-How to not litter and or not toss bottles illegally.

-How to not draft a moving car or truck while racing.

-How to properly sign in before a race, with an intro on how to remember to sign in before a race.

-How to supply refreshments illegally without getting caught. (Warning, if you attend this seminar you will be fined $70).

-How to attend an award ceremony in which you will be awarded a good sum of money.

-How to ‘Other’.

Check this website for more details on when and where to attend these invaluable seminars.

www.usacseminarsforbadcyclists.org

Failure to attend these seminars will result in a $35 fine and a 20 second time penalty.

One thought on “Attention: Important USAC seminars to attend.

  1. I just laughed so hard . . . tears are running down my face. Oh, and my stomach hurts. If all the “funny” stuff you think of and forget is this good, you really should be carrying around a micro tape recorder.

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