I can see the future…and it appears to contain a pint-load of intervals.

If my intervals today had a stereotypical personality and accent, say–like the Character in South Park, Lu Kim, who owns City Wok and can’t pronounce the letter L–they’d likely have taunted me me with “Ohhh, your regs no feer so good today huh Kennett??  They don’t rike me very much do they? You want more rest you big baby??  Maybe you break your other corrarbone on purpose so you don’t have to ride a hard anymooore??  Maybe you cry rike rittow baby and mommy come craddre you and a change your messy diaper??”  But my intervals did not have a personality.  And there’s nothing funny about racist stereotypes either.  If you even cracked a smile at all you’re a racist.  I’m not though.  I wrote it with a straight face.

No, my intervals were emotionless, coldly quiet and calm–letting me soak in the fact that I currently suck.  No insults were needed to get the point across, for the brutal honesty of my performance alone left a bad enough taste in my mouth–kind of like phlegm and bile, which would make sense.

I’m in Bend for the next two weeks trying to get in shape quick for the fast approaching Cascade Classic.  If only there were some teammates around to do some through-and-off with.  Tour of White Rock, which unfortunately is no where near or is at all related to White Castle Burgers like I assumed, starts even sooner–in approximately 17 days.  How fit can you ‘git in 17 days you ask?  Pretty fit I say!  That’s under the surmise that you can get equally fit in 17 days as you can get UN-fit in 17 days.  I’d like to think I was pretty fit 17 days ago.  And look how slow I am now!  I’m happy there’s so much room to improve.  I managed to keep my weight where it should be during the last couple weeks, so that’s not an issue.  In fact I think I might have lost some weight (from my ego) and gained some modesty.  My plan is to find a machine that converts modesty into watts, either that or do a pint-load of intervals.

This one’s for you Spencer.  You said you had no appetite.  If this doesn’t get things going I don’t know if we can be friends anymore.

If anyone has any secrets about getting fit quick you should tell me.  An internet thread tells me there’s some sort of “special training” that can be implemented for a quick fix that’s all the rage in Europe.  What kind of training is this?  I’m guessing they’re talking about 2 minute intervals.  No one ever does 2 minute intervals or ever talks about them, and I’m a little suspicious as to why.  I’m guessing they could be the best kept secret in the pro ranks.

Joke’s aside, I’d still rather be hit by a truck than dope.  At least if I got hit by a truck there’d be some chance I could live with myself, if I lived.  I don’t know what makes some people capable of rationalizing certain things.  Heads of corporations, politicians, Alberto Contador–all born without a conscience and not a care in the world for the “little people” whose lives are destroyed by their greed and self-absorption.  You can only hope that you’re actually the only living human being in existence, encased in a fake terrarium world being observed by alien robots who are attempting to see just how much this strange being’s morale can put up with by exposing it to ridiculous scenarios where the most evil and vile people are the wealthiest and most beloved.

Take that picture of the White Castle burgers for instance.  Just burgers you say?  “No harm done if eaten in moderation, which is the responsibility of the consumer.”  No.  That’s wrong.  First of all, people are inherently stupid.  We don’t make good choices when faced with difficult decisions like, “do I make myself obese by eating burgers every day, or do I eat an apple instead?”  The people who prey on our stupidity and ignorance know just how stupid and ignorant we are.  The manufacturers of the burgers want the cheapest ingredients possible, health issues are of no importance, money is.  The cattle-raising corporations want the cheapest food for their cattle, health and humanity issues are of no importance, only money is.  The corn producing corporations (note: farmers don’t exist anymore) want the cheapest GMO seed and fertilizer, the fact that they’re responsible for the obesity epidemic in the US doesn’t matter, only money does.  The fertilizer corporations (responsible for the overpopulation of the earth) want the cheapest oil to make their product.  There you go.  White Castle supports the genocide we’re creating in the Middle East over oil.  It seems so simple a solution: to stop eating at White Castle or McDonalds or to not drive a car anymore or to not buy things made overseas, but if the easy option exists people will always take it.  If I were in a bike race and got off the front with one other guy and he said, “You have the option to sit on and I’ll take us all the way to the finish line where you can sprint me and easily take the win, or you can help pull,”–I’d say “yes please!” to the first option before he even gave me the second one.  It wouldn’t be right or the honorable way to win, but I’d do it anyways.  Unfortunately people in the States now think that socialism means communism and that capitalism is the only civilized way to run a country–all a constructed media ploy by CEOs to take control of the world, which they’ve successfully done.  We’re fools to believe Obama has any real influence on a damn thing.  Yes of course he’s better than Bush and he’s been able to make improvements in a lot of areas.  But we’re still driving gas 4x4s, burning coal, killing Iraqi civilians, fear mongering our citizens with fantasies of terrorist attacks, fast food restaurants and junk food corporations are seeing all time high profits, education is more costly than ever, and most importantly, bike races are still disappearing from the NRC!! (Utah)  I should go back in time to the dark ages and I’d have even more to complain about.

“What are you doing to improve the world,” asks Larry.  Well, Larry, I’ve got an answer finally: I’m biding my time.

 

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