As you all are very well aware, Lance Armstrong is about to confess to Rosane that he never had cancer. I’m personally very excited to watch the two-part interview, which airs Thursday and Friday night at 4AM on Rosan’s public access channel, right after the flying model airplanes. Now I don’t care about retribution. I know I was right all along, despite being vehemently disagreed with and shunned by every beginning cancer patient I’ve talked with over the years. I stuck to my guns and watched as the faith fled those same cancer patients as they entered their third and fourth years of the disease. They too began to question Lance’s hazy cancer past. You see, once you’ve been in the game long enough, the rumors and accumulated personal knowledge begins to surmount even the most thick-skulled believer’s blindness. Besides, I once saw Lance up close and there’s NO WAY his package boasts that much girth with just one ball.
I left off with my gigantic four day weekend of smash-fest frigid rides. I took a short recovery of one or two days and started up again, finishing the next week off with two more six hour rides. And then I rested. I rested real guud. All week long I held back, waiting patiently to strike at Monday’s soft underbelly with the anger and bloodthirst of a starving wildebeest–a wildebeest that eats meat.
But before that, Friday came along (after Thursday and before words), and I went to a Reel Big Fish concert with Tricia and some of her friends. I didn’t know what the music was going to be like, but imagined something like Phish. So…like really lame, stoned fake hippy music. I was wrong. It turns out that Reel Big Fish attracts an entirely other kind of stoner (I even found a pipe on the ground, which I decided I should not bring in to work to show off).
Reel Big Fish is skaw, sort of a mix between a bunch of stuff that includes trombones. So I liked it. There was also a mosh pit. I spent the entire time in the mosh pit and the bruising on my back and shins proves it. Like any concert, I pretended to be way more into the music than I really was, and made sure to fake sing, scream and jump and shove more than anyone else. I will not be outdone by a bunch of damn high schoolers!
I opted out of a Saturday snowboarding trip because it was too cold up there (-33 with wind chill) and just laid around all day Saturday. I didn’t want to chance getting sick, especially since Adelaide and almost everyone I know is getting sick right now.
The virus hit me hard Saturday night. I spent all day Sunday doing nothing. My head throbbed so much I just laid on the ground in front of the window in the sun patch like Garfield. I rode my bike to the store that afternoon at 1:45, came home and made soup. Monday was very similar except I didn’t need to go to the store. It’s Tuesday now and I’m feeling a lot better, though I worked from home so I wouldn’t contaminate everyone else. So that’s all my exciting news. Oh, one more thing. Yesterday I had one of the greenest poops I’ve ever had. Phew. I knew I was forgetting something.
KENNETT PETERSON 